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A lot of advice out there claims that you can re-attract your ex by simply waiting a few days, playing hard to get for a while, sending a couple of scripted texts, faking a bit of confidence and indifference, and BAM! Your ex is back in your arms, loving and lusting all over you.


Now moving on with your life means exactly what you think it does: you let your ex go and never contact them again for any reason. Or, to be more specific, as I wrote in my article on the no contact rule, from now on you:

Start or maintain healthy eating habits. Cut out or limit sugar and carbohydrates, as well as any processed and fried shit from your diet. And try to eat during similar hours every day.

Keep your hygiene in check. Take a shower. Change your clothing. Clip your nails. Invest in new clothing. Take care of your physical appearance. A breakup is no excuse for being a slob.

You probably stumbled across guides teaching you how to stop feeling excited when your ex calls, how to prevent nervousness when you meet them, how to not be jealous when they start dating other people, or how to hold back anger when they tease, test, or block you.

This something can be many things: fighting for a cause you believe in, being part of a movement, nurturing another relationship, excelling in your career, engaging some passion, mastering a particular skill, developing some healthy habit, and so forth.

Put differently, find empathic and caring people you trust and feel safe to open up to who are willing to listen to your problems and provide heartfelt advice and support. These can be friends, family, peers, or professionals like therapists or counselors.

Now the true beauty of dating after your breakup is that it pushes you away from the unhealthy scarcity mentality (when you think your ex is their only opportunity for a relationship out there) and pulls you closer to the healthy abundance mentality (when you recognize that regardless of how great your ex is, there are an infinite amount of people like them out there).

Think for yourself. Most people simply let society, or most notably, pop culture dictate their likes and dislikes. Go against the wave. Be interesting. Stop and think why you like certain things and why some of them are more popular than others. Then develop a unique opinion based on that knowledge.

The only people qualified to try to get back with their ex are those who a) are unattached to the outcome (whether they rekindle things or not), b) are content and happy with themselves, and c) know that if they get back with their ex, they could form a healthy relationship with them.

Now for the first date or two, I recommend you meet up with your ex on neutral ground. You want both of you to feel as comfortable as possible. After the date unfolds, however, and if it unfolds in such a way where you end up kissing, making out, and being all over each other, invite your ex to your place for a romantic dinner or something akin to that, or go to their place. In the end, I encourage you, have sex.

Generally speaking, the more resistance you encounter when trying to set a date with your ex, the higher the likelihood that they will turn you down, cancel, be a no-show, or ignore/ghost you at some point.

Setting dates. Be clear about the date, time, and location of your date, and arrange everything over a call or via text. But avoid indulging in mindless chit-chat at all costs. Use your phone only for setting and arranging dates and other logistical hurdles.

Connecting. Learn skills for building an emotional connection with your ex. Some suggestions: flirting and teasing, relating, storytelling, sexual compliments, having attractive body language, etc (Shameless plug: I teach all these skills and more in my Radical Re-Attraction Course).

Handling pull aways. This is when your ex suddenly goes from being hot to cold, from affectionate to stand-offish and distant. If this happens to you, consider it a plea for space and back off. Also, consider being more assertive with your boundaries.

Overcoming mixed signals. This is when your ex, for instance, says they love and miss you one day, but ghost and ignore you the next day. Similarly to above point, the solution here is to simply give your ex more space. (For more information, read this article).

To rebuild these components, time and consistent proof of growth and change from both sides are key. People fall out of love slowly over time, impairing mutual trust, respect, and affection. In the same way, they also fall back in love slowly over time, rebuilding that mutual trust, respect and affection.

Most people are terrified of letting their ex go. And so they cling to them and try to get them back because they make them feel important and worthy and loved. This, unknowingly, makes them slaves to their exes.

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. It includes hours of video and hundreds of pages of writing, and a community with exclusive weekly Q&A calls, private chat, and 1-on-1 coaching.

This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article has 44 testimonials from our readers, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 3,768,648 times.

What you should know, however, is that anyone that gives you this guidance is looking out for your best interest. Taking some time can help you look deep within for what you want from the relationship and can help with examining what love languages you can speak better with your partner.

Use this time to have honest conversations about where you may have contributed to the end of your relationship. It's also a good time to look deeply into what worked and what didn't with your partner.

Try writing down a list of all of the things that went right and what went wrong in your relationship. By laying out all of the positives and negatives of your past relationship, you'll get a clearer picture of how to move forward.

If they don't seem interested or have already moved and are with someone new, you'll know that it's not possible to rekindle a relationship with them at this time. It's better to know this information sooner rather than later so that you don't waste your time.

Taking your time and moving slowly is likely to work in your favor. There's no reason to rush reaching big milestones like an engagement. Now is the time to relax and continue getting to know your partner again in a new light. You'll also have the time to appreciate each other and reflect on how far you've come.

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Dress up and go all out with your physical appearance to show off that this is exactly what they lost *with you looking hotter than ever before!* [Read: What you need to do when you bump into your ex to look really cool]

Let them know you mean business and want to start over by deleting any trace of them from your social media accounts. Before they get a chance to do it first, make sure you clean all your photos and delete them *as if your relationship never existed*.

If you want to know how to get back at your ex, and have a giggle and get them seriously confused/annoyed at the same time, write stupid, sarcastic rubbish on all of their social media posts or clog up their feed with weird pictures!

Make fun of their arrogant selfies or stupid posts by mocking them. People will think you are hilarious too *well, everyone except your ex, that is!* What better way to embarrass your ex than by mocking their selfies and basically every social media post they have, right?

Because we have over 11 years of experience, we conducted the largest study on getting an ex back and keeping them and we strive to keep all the information accurate and helpful. Read more about me, this website and our editorial policy over here.

This article is for anyone looking to get an ex back. May it be your ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex wife, ex husband or an ex fiancé. May it be a straight relationship or a gay relationship. If you have been through a breakup and are thinking about winning your ex back, you will find this article helpful and enlightening.

Having a plan gives you a sense of direction and removes all the confusion. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. A plan will give you hope. This article is that plan.

You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.

Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do.

Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend think of you as a needy person. By not contacting them, you immediately become not needy in their mind.

If you were with your ex for a considerable amount of time, you may have developed an identity that is connected to two people. Once you start no contact, you may feel uncomfortable, anxious or have a sense of emptiness being by yourself. You may feel like you have lost your identity, like a part of you is missing. 041b061a72

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